In previous articles I described an overview of the representational systems of communication: visual, auditory and kinesthetic, and the benefit of knowing what these systems are as they relate to rapport. In another article, I went into more detail about the visual aspect and here we are dealing with kinesthetic language, the feeling words that people use.

To gain rapport we have to learn how people construct and make their reality. And we have to learn how they interact with that reality. For kinesthetic oriented people, that interaction is through touch and feel.

You'll know you're talking to a kinesthetic person if they grasp for how they want to say things. They may physically mirror your movements, oftentimes and unconsciously, mirroring and matching your movements. Kinesthetic people are the easiest to mirror as well, (at least physically) because they will want to nod their heads as you nod yours. Their hands are important as they may speak with them, and may also rub their own hands or legss or arms as they speak to you.

A good example of a kinesthetic person is Bill Clinton. Remember his famous (infamous) quote, "I feel your pain"? That is a prime example of kinesthetic language.

If a visual person speaks pretty quick and they're zipping right along and an auditory person speaks a little slower and sometimes in a very sing-songy voice or in a flat monotone that you can easily detect they're doing, then a kinesthetic person, in contrast, often speaks much slower and they struggle for the next thought.

Kinesthetic people use touch and feel words covering the tactile sense of feeling-hot, cold, firm, a firm touch, vibration-as well as the emotional sense of feeling-love, rage, joy, anger.

Another way to determine if someone is kinesthetic is to notice how close they are to you. If they can reach out and touch you, odds are, they're kinesthetic. They love to be hugged, don't ever shirk away from physical touch, and have no problem with you being in their space because they're not creating pictures like visually oriented people are.

Kinesthetic people often struggle for their words. They . . .draw things out. . . and are really. . . working at what they are going to say.

Whereas visually oriented people look up, auditory people look side to side, kinesthetic people generally look down.

As a side note, I read an article not long ago about a junior high school student in Virginia who had been cited for school infractions for hugging his friend. Outlawing physical contact, his school board has implemented a 'no physical contact' policy. No touching of any sort--no handshakes, no pats on the head, no hand holding, no high fives.

My initial thought was, wow, that's really strange. Then I thought of the kinesthetic kids who might be going to that school and what a disservice is being done to them. I mean, I understand the need for clear boundaries, but no physical contact whatsoever between friends? Seems like a dangerous road to travel down.

Coming soon: Auditory Adventures.

Business Products on our marketplace

Kenrick Cleveland teaches strategies to earn the business of wealthy prospects using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion strategies.