Any thought of eventual divorce and separation is furthest from their minds.

However, it is a sad fact of life that divorce does occur in the real world. Not only does it occur, in fact, its rate has been increasing in the society for the last four or five decades, so much so that in some Western countries, about half of all new marriages are destined to end in divorce in some years.

Why does divorce happen? It may be caused by many reasons such as emotional and physical abuse, extramarital affairs, lack of financial resources and general boredom with the partner. If marriage has the potential of giving much happiness and contentment to the partners, its converse is also true. The break-up of marriage can give immense emotional pain and cause psychological turmoil for them. Divorce can disrupt their lives acutely and give rise to negative feelings such as depression, anger and guilt.

Divorce and the permanent severance of ties clearly have two major aspects – technical and emotional. The former deals with the legal issues, such as whether the divorce would be contested or uncontested, choosing a high-street solicitor or DIY divorce company, making arrangements for child custody, paying maintenance to the ex-wife by the husband and division of all family assets and liabilities equally among the partners. The entire process of divorce can cost a tidy sum for the partners, especially if they are contesting it in a court of law and hiring a solicitor to represent their interests.

The other aspect of divorce is emotional. It relates to identifying and tackling the psychological aftermath of divorce on the psyche of the partners. Marital separation gives a deep sense of loss as everything that the partners had built around them comes crashing down. People who are divorcing their partners usually go through the following four emotional stages.

1. Shock and Denial

When a partner gets served divorce papers by his husband or wife, the first reaction is shock. This is because the decision to take a divorce is usually one-sided, taken unilaterally by one partner without the involvement of the other. Therefore, it comes as a big surprise to the partner who is taken unawares by the developments and who was assuming that everything was going fine with the relationship.

After the initial shock has worn off, there is often denial of the situation. The victimised partner simply refuses to believe that such a thing is happening to his or her marriage and thinks that there may be some confusion or misunderstanding somewhere that has led things to such a pass.

2. Acceptance and Adjustment

Once the shock and disbelief have worn off, gradually the partner begins to accept the new situation and adapt to it. There is a realisation that the marriage is doomed and finally going to end. This is the stage in which one starts exploring legal options to protect one’s rights. Also, one begins to grapple with negative emotions and calls on one’s personal resources and support network such as family and friends to cope with them effectively.

3. Reorganising one’s Life

Once people have accepted the inevitability of divorce, there begins a process of reorganising their life according to the new priorities. This is the stage when partners bring the legal process to a conclusion and come to terms with issues such as child custody and division of assets. Also, they re-evaluate and reconstruct their own personal belief system which may have taken a knock due to their divorce. For example, they may from now on begin to distrust romantic relationships or make a strategy to go for only live-in relationships.

4. Rebuilding one’s Life

This is the last stage of divorce when the decrees finalising the separation have just been granted. The divorced individual now has an empty slate on which to begin the new chapter of bachelorhood. Should he or she get involved immediately in a new romantic relationship or wait for a year or two to regain one’s orientation in life? One develops a new lifestyle and new interests. The day-to-day schedule undergoes a drastic change as one stays alone in the house or tries to cope with the challenges of being a single parent.

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James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com