I'm guessing this has never happened to you (or to anybody in the history of the world ever). You're driving down the freeway, maybe a little too fast, and you get pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to your car, you roll down the window, and he says, "I'm so sorry to bother you, but I think maybe a slight infraction of the law has occurred. . . I'm wondering if you wouldn't mind showing me your license and registration. I'm so sorry to inconvenience you here."

Yeah. . .that's never happened. Why? Well, law enforcement doesn't concern themselves with your inconvenience or worry about offending you or bothering you. They don't operate within the frame of concerning themselves with your experience of them. They operate from the perspective that they are in charge and that you will do exactly as they tell you to do. They operate with the assumption that they have all the power in any interaction of this kind and they're quite comfortable in their use of this power.

Maybe not all officers are that extreme but I'm exaggerating a little to make my point.

The frames we set for ourselves and our exchanges with others are what color every business transaction and every romantic or personal interaction we have. Whoever sets the stronger frame, wins.

This doesn't mean we have to pull power trips on people. Absolutely not. This simply means that when we come to the table, we have to have our resolve strong and our place in the negotiations set. I'm not going to approach a potential new student with, 'Well, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to give you a little advice to help learn persuasion and how to increase sales. . .' Heck no! First of all, I know full and well that I'm absolutely certain I can teach anyone to increase sales through persuasion. There's no beating around the bush. I'm not shy about these things. How good a persuader would I be if I were shy about my ability to help people?

Framing is what we use to control everything. If we extend that and look at what that means, in any area of our life, there are frames that are operating and those frames are dictating our behavior, our responses and the way in which the interaction takes place.

A frame between a financial adviser and prospect as set by the prospect could be, 'Prove to me why I should use your services.' And a frame as set by the adviser might be, 'I'm an expert in this field and work best with people who understand this and can take full advantage and reap the benefits of what I can do.'

Those are two strong frames that are utilized all the time. Here's a frame that isn't strong and will put you in a one down position: 'I guess I'm not really anybody. I lucked into getting my license and now I'm representing a few companies because a friend hooked me up. But maybe there's something I can do to help you.'

Would you sign up with that guy? Heck no.

Before your next meeting take some time to think about the framework you're using to work with the people around you.

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Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to earn the business of affluent prospects using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion techniques.