First, a distinction. When I teach about 'towards and away' personalities, I get asked, 'Kenrick, isn't an away from person just a negative person?' My answer is no. That's not the case at all. There are negative people in the world who will complain about anything, but someone who is moving away from a problem does not necessarily have a negative attitude in life.

We've been taught from a very early age that 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.' I am not on board with this cliche. It's dishonest. Putting a happy face on everything is impossible. Even if you 'turn lemons into lemonade' there is value in indulging in life's ups and downs. When you allow yourself to experience (not wallow in) life's lows, you will feel the highs even more intensely.

With that said, it's hard to be around people who complain incessantly. Viewing the world through the lens of misery and inconvenience is dreadful to be around. I believe if you're around that kind of personality for long stretches of time or consistently, your energy will be depleted as a result.

To me, whether a person is positive or negative is less important than honesty. However, I'm much more interested in being around people who know that their thoughts are manifesting their reality thus tend to attract positive folks.

With that said, the 'towards and away' continuum is a filter that some (not all) people use when describing their circumstances in a particular context.

Determining towards and away is as easy as eliciting criteria (in fact, it is eliciting criteria). Say your client's highest value is financial security. Your next question is: What will having financial security do for you ultimately?

Security is both a towards and away value. Listen very closely to how they answer this question because this is a subtle one.

'Security. . .It's going to completely keep me safe. I'm not going to have to worry anymore because I'm just sick and tired of worrying. I don't know what the stock market's going to do and I'm heavily invested in it and I just am tired of worrying.'

Is this person moving towards a solution or away from a problem?

This is definitely an away from answer.

I liken the approach to take with away from people as 'backing the ambulance up to the door.' We want to really get them into their fear, like rubbing salt in a wound or poking at a sore tooth. Help them to wallow in this fear and then show them how your product or service equals what they want: financial security.

A perfect response would be: "Absolutely. That's completely understandable. Really, the stock market isn't doing very well. It's downright terrifying. People don't have any idea how devastating it's going to be when that thing crashes. Not having a safety net, no parachute. .. it is cause for worry. I'm moving beyond that fear with my clients and they are naturally safe and secure as a result of their work with me.'

Determination of towards/away enriches rapport immeasurably. Forcing an away from oriented person to see the silver lining or look through rose colored glasses will put them off and make persuasion very difficult. Just go along with them and bask in the fear and horror that you can eventually relieve them of.

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Kenrick Cleveland teaches strategies to earn the business of wealthy clients using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion strategies.