When things go wrong in a marriage it is often wondered if the couple involved should stay together for the children. The fact of the matter is that it's not the separation that does the most damage, it's the living in a war zone that affects the kids. Nobody wants to live in a world that swings from stony silence to screaming fits and back again. Even if it's not that extreme children can sense when things aren't as they should be and may even wonder if it's something they've done.

Once the decision to divorce has been made it is important to keep the children informed of what is happening using vocabulary appropriate to their age. Make sure they are clear on how they will be affected and try to make their upheaval as little as possible. To have to change schools or move away from their friends at such a time can make the process far more difficult for them.

It's also important that both parents let them know they are not to blame and reinforce this message without actually blaming anyone. They do not need to know who did what, just that it isn't their fault.

Try not to involve the children in the real reasons why the divorce is happening. This may cause them to apportion blame to one parent or the other and therefore take sides. They should not be put in this position and should be allowed to love and respect each parent just as they have always done.

Keeping the school informed of the changes in the children's live can help. It will help the teacher to understand any changes in mood from the child and, generally, schools will have the welfare of the child at heart and will inform parents if they think there are any problems. Around 1 in 3 children will go through separation so there isn't the stigma that used to be attached to divorce as there used to be.

All this is very well as long as both parents are prepared to play ball. If your ex-partner is being awkward in any way then admit to your children that you do not agree with the way they are behaving without actually putting the other partner down. This is a really difficult situation to be in but try not to drag the children into the argument.

Children need to still have both parents and know that both parents still want them. There will always end up being just the one principle carer but the other parent should still make a place in their home that belongs to the children. Even if it's only a corner of a room where they can keep some of their bits and pieces. It shows them that they are always wanted there.

When a parent enters a new relationship it can be quite disconcerting for the children. They may feel guilty about liking this new person and feel like they are being disloyal to the other parent. Once a new relationship is established try introducing the new partner as a friend to begin with. The relationship in the eyes of the children can be changed once the children have had a chance to make up their own mind about the new person in their lives.

The children will also want both parents to be involved in the important events in their lives from nativity plays to exam results. If you are the principle carer make sure the other parent knows about these events and how to get tickets or what date results are due so they can also make the effort to be there. At the end of the day, even though your marriage has ended and the divorce has come through, you are in a partnership for life as two parents for each child born out of that marriage.

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About the Author: Clare Denton offers help and support for divorcing couples. Here she talks about the impact of divorce and children . For online support visit her site at Divorce Advice This and other unique content effects of divorce on children articles are available with free reprint rights.