… It happened at one of the railway stations within Moscow precincts. On the watch of public order there was captain Viktor Nikolayevich Stepantsov. Rough and lusty fellow, he was a drinker and had a vehement hatred for all the migrants. Once his strong claws caught a couple of Tajiks (citizens of Tajikistan), who were trying to get on the train for free.
Guest workers were brought to the police station where they underwent a thorough check-out, though the policeman didn’t find any documents, money or any other tangible property. Having been distressed by this kind of insidiousness, Captain Ivantsov lectured his captives about the inadmissibility of walking without money (what the hell then he had spent his time on them?!) and laid down his terms:
- Well then. One of you two stays here, while the other brings cabbage (1000 roubles (like 40 bucks) per each). After that you can get out of here.
The trick used to work but this time Tajiks jibbed. Claiming than they hadn’t a bean and moreover owed money all around, they refused to separate point-black, what finally enraged Ivantsov.
- The hell with you, stay here till morning if you like! Then there’ll come the car and I’ll send you to the reception center like tramps!
Having locked Tajiks in the “monkey house” (the cell), Captain returned to his business. In several hours Ivantsov reaped his rewards, crooked the elbow and only then remembered his rebellious prisoners.
- Hey, basmatches, made up your mind? A thou per mug and buzz off. Or to the reception center!
Tajiks shook their heads. Looked like it wasn’t the first time they were caught like that and knew that there wouldn’t be any car and, having frightened a little, cops would release them anyway. However they didn’t know Ivantsov at all! In an hour or so, staggering after two more vodkas, captain came back to the station and ordered his mate to take prisoners outside. Sergeant, at a loss, dragged Tajiks out of the cell and obeying the order placed them both by the concrete fence. With an imperial gesture Ivantsov unfastened the holster:
- I’m asking you the last time, counters, are you gonna pay?!
Tajiks kept silence. Ivantsov pulled “Makarov” revolver out of the holster, switched the preventer, twisted the lock and having aimed at one of “basmatches’” heads pronounced threateningly:
- For not paying the fine, defiance to police and on suspicion of illegal migration, in the name of law – you’ll be executed by shooting, bastards!
There was a sound of shot and one of the Tajiks collapsed on the ground (luckily because he fainted). Then the colleagues realized they’d better go on the captain, as he was aiming at the other prisoner’s head. Colleagues had trouble pinioning “the indomitable fighter against illegal migration”, and then there began sudden fits. The frightened orderly officer called an ambulance. Diagnosis (as everybody could guess) was mental disorder and Captain was taken to the psychosomatic unit. Tajik was brought to senses and both of them were allowed to go with an order to forget everything.
P.S. You may think that Viktor Nikolayevich was fired? Not a bloody thing. As I’ve heard recently, he got “major” rank and is waiting for promotion again.

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