I sat at a wedding recently and excitedly listened to my father-in-law who promised to give the secret to a long and happy marriage. More than 50 years of marital bliss had made him an expert on the subject and the perfect candidate for this speech. His advice was profound yet so simplistic that most every school could understand. His solution to problems was a simple and heartfelt, "I am sorry" to your partner whenever needed. With this advice he assured the crowd, you will have many years of happiness ahead of you.

These simple, short words can work wonders when it comes to an intimate relationship. Only moments before these words slip from your lips you may have been in hot water. Now that you have apologized the mood in the room is changed to a lighter, happier and more loving feeling to move forward with. Facial muscles are relaxed and your spouse will forgive you.

You may think this solution sounds simple, perhaps too simple for this marriage tips to work. Men and women do not think of these words in the same way. For women, apologizing is easier than it is for man. Most men do not see the importance of apologizing.

This results in a problem. Women might think a man is not sorry just because he hasn't said so (when often this is not the case). Also, a man might misinterpret the woman's need to hear it as a lack of self-confidence and think she is dependent on him (this might also not be the case). Men should swallow their pride and say "I'm sorry" when they need to and women need to realize that a man can feel guilty about what he did to upset her, although they don't always express this feeling. Realizing this from both a male and female perspective could prevent a lot of problems in marriages.

This marriage tip, as with most all tips, is one that does no good to understand if you do not implement it.

Here are some practical marriage tips about how to apologize effectively:

If you mess up, take full responsibility. Don't make your spouse a party to what happened. If you say, "sorry I spilt wine on the rug but don't fill my glass so full next time", this is a half-hearted apology along with a dig at your partner. "I'm sorry I spilt wine on the rug" is a better apology and should get immediate forgiveness (we all have little accidents!)

Apologize for how you made the other person feel as well as apologizing for what happened. "I'm sorry I came home so late. I know you must have been worried", is a better way of saying sorry than, "I'm sorry I came home so late," which makes it sound like you are only saying sorry because you are expected to.

Be specific when making an apology. "Sorry for all the times I upset you," is too generalized and sounds like a politician trying to cover everything. This is also called a "non-apology apology". If there is something you want to apologize for, name it.

Timing means everything. His small mistake deserves an immediate apology. Larger mistakes that are going to take a little bit more time, thought and energy, these apologies need to be well thought out and shouldn't be spur of the moment. Once you've given some thought, then it's time for you to approach your partner with a sincere apology this should be done when you've got a 100% of your partner's attention.

You can explain what happened but try not to lay blame.

Marriage tips are helpful but seldom work miracles. You cannot expect your spouse to accept every apology immediately. If you have upset them a great deal, forgiveness takes time. State how sorry you are about what you did and wait for it to work. You will both be glad of the results.

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