"It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes

When we talk about the top assets of a persuader, one of the most beneficial attributes is the ability to listen. Some people are naturally good at listening. Some are not so good. Others are downright poor listeners. If you're eager to become an excellent persuader, then honing and/or improving your listening skills is mandatory.

When you listen actively, you are not formulating your arguments or answers in your head as they are talking. You're actually listening while they are talking. When they are done talking, that is the time to formulate your response. There are both verbal and non-verbal indications that you are listening -- for example, eye contact is a big one (if you're in person), same with nodding or smiling or other facial or physical agreements. If you're on the phone, you'll give verbal prodding, like an occasional 'um hum'. Listening requires also that you ask pertinent follow up questions.

An example of the wisdom to listen is when we elicit criteria from our prospects and clients. When we ask the magic question, 'what will having X do for you?' we are preparing ourselves to listen. We need to know what having X will do for them because we want to give them X. If we're daydreaming or off in our thoughts pondering what we want from this person then we'll never truly understand how our product or service equals their X.

By paraphrasing what we have heard them say once we ask the criteria elicitation questions, we are conveying to them that we have really heard them. "So what you're telling me is that you're looking for X" or "It seems to me that you are interested in Y". We are showing our interest in what drives them and by expressing our understanding, we are also building trust with them.

Taking this a step further, if your prospect replies to you with auditory, kinesthetic or visual words, you can ask your follow up questions with those words as well. 'I see that having a new financial advisor will brighten your future and give you a greater vision of the life you've always pictured.' (FYI, that was a visual orientation. . . )

An often underutilized tool is silence. So many folks are incredibly uncomfortable with silence that they will do everything in their power to fill it up. Let them. Don't be afraid to stay silent while they fill up the air with more of what they want and need as that will better enable you to marry their desires with your products and services.

Respond with empathy is another highly important aspect of knowing how to listen. We all have wildly different experiences in life and sometimes it's hard to know how to relate to other people, but keep in mind, that despite our differences, we are all fundamentally driven by the same things. . . the core drives. We've all experienced loss, joy, frustration, enthusiasm. . . and on some level, we can connect with another's experience.

Listening is something that you can learn through practice and persistence.

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Kenrick Cleveland teaches strategies to earn the business of wealthy clients using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion strategies.