When your partner up and decides to call it quits, it can really impact your life. Chances are that if you're reading this, I probably don't have to tell you that. I know that things can seem like they're falling apart, but rest assured that with a little work you CAN pull your life back together and even get your ex back!

The first thing, the most important thing I can tell you, is to not fall into a nonproductive depressive state. Things will never get better with you drowning in buckets of your own tears, so the sooner you change your outlook on things the sooner you'll be able to do something about it.

Once you make that solid choice to take matters into your own hands and do what's necessary to get your ex back, you're already on the path to achieving that goal. Making up your mind to do something is half the battle, and once you get to that point all that follows is the careful execution of a proven plan that's worked for countless others.

Now, chances are this comes a little too late, but when your partner has JUST broken up with you, it's important not to hound him/her about it. As much as you may want to get back together immediately like nothing happened, bothering your now-ex when he/she is still hurting over the breakup isn't going to make things any better and actually has a fair chance of making it worse.

Even if you've already made the mistake of pressuring your ex into getting back together, back off now. Give your ex some space...and you could use it too. The time you're not spending chasing back after your ex could be much better spent by doing some self-work. I know that "self-work" is an ugly word that most people don't like, but it's important if you really want to get your ex back.

Knowing nothing of you, your ex, or your relationship together, I can still almost guarantee that if he/she broke up with you the problem(s) is centered on you. It doesn't have to be something drastic, but it's almost always the "broken-up-with" who's responsible for what turned the relationship sour. I'm not trying to be insulting, it's just statistics.

The things you've done or haven't done could be just about anything, and I can't tell you what went wrong, but I'm sure if you really think on it you can figure it out. Once you do, it's important to make any changes, sacrifices, and compromises are necessary to ensure that your partner will be happy being with you. If you don't think it's worth the trouble, then don't bother and try to find someone else...but if you're really in love with your ex and can't bear the thought of living without him/her, then you have to do what you must.

Once you HAVE figured out what's wrong, and really taken the necessary steps to fix your side of the problems, enough time will probably have passed to the point that reestablishing contact with your ex will be acceptable, but only if the contact is light and unassuming...perhaps a phone call or email seeing how he/she is doing. The point of this contact is simply just to make yourself known again, and open a few doors back up...do NOT start trying to get back together at this point. Take it slow.

If all went well with the first contact, it's safe to keep going, slowly but surely. Don't rush things, just keep opening those doors by building up contact bit by bit. Piece by piece, things'll start to come back together a bit, until the two of you are on friendly enough terms again that it's ok to be spending time together. Use this time to let your ex see for him/herself how much work you're doing on yourself.

When you've gotten to the point that you're spending a decent amount of time together, make sure that the things you guys do are associated with fond memories of the two of you. If you two always used to like going for walks through a local park, have an afternoon there. Whatever you two used to enjoy doing as a couple, it'll help to rekindle the feelings you had for one another...and your ex could easily start wondering if perhaps calling it quits was a mistake.

If things go well, and you two get back together, first of all congratulations...and then secondly, remember that the changes you've made can't just be temporary...you have to stick to "You Version Two". Reverting back to old behavior could easily cause your partner to leave again, and this time you may not be able to get him/her back...

The main thing to remember at all times with this proven technique is that you never go "on the offensive." It's a gentle, nonthreatening process, and it fails if you start pressuring your ex to get back together. It should ideally be your ex's idea to get back together, and if you end up having to be the one to bring it up it should already be to a point where it's surely on your ex's mind. Just take it slow, and you should have a really good shot to get your life back together and get your ex back.

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