If you have recently been through a break up and have been wondering how to get your ex back, ask yourself instead how you are doing emotionally right now? If you find yourself crying all the time at every sad song you hear or over anything that reminds you of your ex lover it's time to get yourself back together.

Being emotionally distraught may be all you can manage right now and while it will get you the attention you may feel you need, after awhile your ex, along with the other people in your life are going to get tired of the drama and wonder why you won't make an effort to pull yourself together.

The Hollywood stereotype of the moody, depressed lover may be popular on the big screen, but it isn't going to play well with your ex girlfriend or boyfriend.

And although you might not realize it, continuing to allow your emotions to run away with you can be a way of refusing to face the reality that there are some things you need to change if you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex lover.

You also need to ask yourself if you are actually sad about the break up or are you ADDICTED to the feeling of sadness and heartbreak instead?

It's important to be careful here because very intense emotional states will release chemicals into our cells that become addictive over time and that's part of the reason you will find people caught in the same cycles of behavior, experiencing the same dramas and making the same mistakes. Their cells are actually looking for another chemical fix and this triggers the behavior patterns that cause the emotional state all over again.

The best way to change this is to recognize yourself doing it. Sometimes you can get so involved in your own dramas that you don't even realize what you are doing and that you are repeating the same behavior patterns over and over. Once you are aware of this a little light bulb in your brain goes off and you catch yourself in the cycle and start to reverse the pattern.

This enables you to start feeling a little more in control and ready to take more positive steps to get your emotions balanced and self confidence back.

Feel good about the fact that you are getting wiser about handling your emotions and use this time away from your ex to work on yourself and what you need to change. Do things that make you feel better, stronger and happier and not only will you get more confidence, but you will also become more attractive to your ex. Now you are ready to begin learning how to get your ex back - the SMART way!

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Hi I'm Claire Tourney. Visit my Squidoo Lens How To Get Your Ex Back-The Smart Way to understand how your emotions may be hindering your chances of winning back with your ex and to discover a PROVEN, successful plan for winning your ex back.