Going through a breakup is rarely anyone's idea of a good time...for a lot of people it's almost impossible to overcome, and they just sit around on the couch for a month or two, moaning into one gallon bucket of ice cream after another. If that's how you want to live your life, cool...go right ahead. Otherwise, have a look at wh... Read more
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Breakups hurt, everyone knows that. That's the price you pay for the dumb things you do to get yourself dumped...but sometimes everything doesn't have to end this way. Get up off your butt and kick yourself into gear, you can get your ex back if you just put in some effort!
Your first challenge is to change your outlook on your situation. This should be easy enough considering how often most of us change our perceptions each day, but for a lot of people this is a halting point. You need to stop looking at things with such a pessemistic viewpoint, and start seeing this as an opportunity and motivation for self-improvement. Don't keep looking at things like they "happened to you." This is called passive self-victimization. Okay, so I made that up, but it's a good name for what you're doing to yourself if you see your ex as the "bad guy" or beat yourself up continuously over the things that caused you to lose out on your relationship. Take responsibility for the things you did that resulted badly, but don't let yourself think that there's nothing you can do. Nothing can fuel a change like something bad that needs to be made good. Destitute peasants have led revolutions to overthrow the most powerful people of their countries for that reason...I'm pretty sure you can find the self-empowerment from this experience to kick yourself into high gear and really get motivated to change your own situation. Use your hurt and anger and convert it into determination to solve your problems. Take all that wasted energy you're pouring into Ben and Jerry's laps and fire up the ol' thinktank. Figure out just what it was that caused your relationship to end up failing, and think about how you can fix them. Problems range from big to small, and usually a relationship that's fallen through has more than just a couple. It's a steep job to come up with everything that went wrong, so instead make a list of what went wrong that you can do something about. When you've come up with a list of about 20-50 things you could improve on (I'm sure your ex could find that many), it's time to get busy correcting your problems. I can't help you solve every single problem, only you can do this...all I can say is that you need to dedicate yourself to this, and really work to make things work. If you try to go back to your ex as the same person who got dumped, you're just going to have your heart broken again, and probably mess up any chances you may have had. Once you've managed to pull your act together, it's time to get back in touch with your ex (assuming you followed the usual pattern of breaking away after the end of the relationship). Don't take things too quickly, or else you'll drive your ex away even further in spite of your hard work. Usually the first contact should consist of a phone call or email seeing how he/she is doing. From there work up gradually, feeling out how things are and making sure not to rush things. Remember that even if your ex is mad at you, he or she probably doesn't hate you...and most of time breakups aren't the cold flat-drops you see in the movies. More than likely you'll be faced with a person who still loves you and wants to be with you, but just can't handle the stress of the relationship. It's up to you to remove that stress while keeping the happinesses, and if you can pull that off you two could go far. Stop being so depressed and afraid of rejection...get out there and give it your best!
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