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Going through a breakup is rarely anyone's idea of a good time...for a lot of people it's almost impossible to overcome, and they just sit around on the couch for a month or two, moaning into one gallon bucket of ice cream after another. If that's how you want to live your life, cool...go right ahead. Otherwise, have a look at what I have to say.
Your first step to getting your ex back needs to be changing your mind, and your outlook on life. We generally change our minds about 30 times a day anyways, so put that skill to use. If you take the wrong perceptual approach to a breakup, you're just going to sink into depression and gain nothing from the pain. If you look at it the right way, however, you can forge that raw feeling into something that really helps you turn things around: motivation. Don't keep looking at things like they "happened to you." This is called passive self-victimization. Okay, so I made that up, but it's a good name for what you're doing to yourself if you see your ex as the "bad guy" or beat yourself up continuously over the things that caused you to lose out on your relationship. Take responsibility for the things you did that resulted badly, but don't let yourself think that there's nothing you can do. Nothing can fuel a change like something bad that needs to be made good. Destitute peasants have led revolutions to overthrow the most powerful people of their countries for that reason...I'm pretty sure you can find the self-empowerment from this experience to kick yourself into high gear and really get motivated to change your own situation. Use your hurt and anger and convert it into determination to solve your problems. Make this unfortunate experience into a learning experience. Figure out what went wrong in the relationship...it's usually something you did, or a behavior or characteristic. Relationship problems can range from smacking your lips when you eat to not being emotionally available and sensitive to your partner. There's a lot that can go wrong, but if everybody let the possible fallouts of relationships keep them huddled up on their couches the world would be a lot less populated. When you've come up with a list of about 20-50 things you could improve on (I'm sure your ex could find that many), it's time to get busy correcting your problems. I can't help you solve every single problem, only you can do this...all I can say is that you need to dedicate yourself to this, and really work to make things work. If you try to go back to your ex as the same person who got dumped, you're just going to have your heart broken again, and probably mess up any chances you may have had. Once the main issues have been settled or at least are on their way to being settled, the next step is to break back into contact with your ex. You might even still be in contact, but chances are you haven't talked to each other in a while, so usually a good "ice rebreaker" is a short phone call or email seeing how he/she is doing. Remember to keep things light for a while, and just work up slowly from whatever point you get to. Rushing things is the best way to mess them up, so pace things with how your ex is feeling. Your ex isn't your enemy...unless you have a movie-case of "Evil Ex of Doom"...but I doubt that's the case if you're reading this particular article. Really, your ex probably still loves you and wishes you could be together, but is overwhelmed by the problems that flew around while you were together. If you can fix the problems or show your ex that you are fixing them, there's a pretty healthy chance that things can pick back up and go relatively smoothly. There's always an exception, but you have a good shot at happiness if you just work to get it, so get motivated!
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